In the book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Steven Covey, the emotional bank account or trust account is described as the amount of trust you need to invest in building up your relationship with other people. The main idea of an emotional bank is all about making deposits and withdrawals, with emotional units.
No matter what your social status is, positive traits such as kindness and generosity can be deposited towards other people. If you do altruistic acts without asking anything in return, that's depositing into your emotional bank account.
However, when the relationship that you build with other people is based on negative aspects such as betrayal and cruelty, that’s the time that you need to withdraw and stay away from the relationship. There are different ways on how to deposit and invest in an emotional bank account which take great intention and willingness.
Deposits in an Emotional Bank Account
Understanding the Individual
If you are building a new relationship, may be with a new friend or colleague, it's important to discover the other person’s beliefs and personal opinions about things and understand where they are coming from.
There are a lot of new relationships that end early because of the failure to understand one another. Each person is unique; not all people you meet along the way have the same views as yours. When you fully understand the other person, then you will be more compassionate towards them.
Keeping Commitments
When you commit to something, make sure to fulfill it, especially if other people get affected if you do not mean what you say. Being true to your words and actions is already an act of depositing into the emotional bank account between you and the other people that you made a promise to.
Keeping commitments means you do not go to school or work late; you are always on time for your meetings or appointments and are able to fulfill the tasks entrusted to you daily.
Giving out Compliments
When you are giving compliments to other people, make sure that you're sincere. If you are complimenting just one aspect of their personality, make sure not to judge them as a whole. It's better to just keep quiet than praising or complimenting someone when in fact you have other intentions of doing so.
Giving out compliments is also a way of expressing appreciation to someone. If it's in your nature to compliment everyone, then it will just come naturally. It's easier for other people to also build their trust in you if they see that you have the capability of appreciating one’s presence.
Be Physically Affectionate
Hugging, kissing, cuddling, and holding hands are some of the ways partners deposit money into their emotional bank account as long as they both have pure intentions.
This is not only applicable to partners. You can also deposit your emotional bank account through your friends. If they have problems, you could tap their shoulder or hug them. In this way, you are letting other people feel that you are worthy of being trusted.
Reasons for Withdrawal
In emotional bank accounts, withdrawing can also be done. If you think the relationship you have with the other person is toxic or if there is already a betrayal, that’s a clear sign to withdraw because both of you are no longer benefiting from it.
If it's you who decided to withdraw, it’s ideal to apologize and state the reason for the withdrawal to patch things up if there are some misunderstandings.
Withdrawal is not all negative. Sometimes, it leads to self-realization and promotes self-growth. By apologizing, you are again depositing to rebuild the relationship and settle all issues before parting.
Conclusion
In building a relationship with other people, it’s a fact that both depositing and withdrawal are essential. No relationship is perfect. There are times when withdrawing from that relationship is the only way to start anew. Keep in mind that when you decide to deposit on to someone, be sure to be sincere in doing it.
