“Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend,” is one of the most dreaded questions for any relationship, especially when you have just started dating and are not sure where things are going. Of course, it sounds a little high-school, but in relationships, you have to define things.
Having “The Talk” is extremely important. You might have romanticized a friendship, thinking that your partner feels the same way you do, but in actual sense, they probably do not and have only been considering you a good friend.
So, you must have the guts to do this. Just swallow the bitter pill and have this conversation, and always be ready for rejection, just in case things don’t turn out as expected. In this review, we tell you how to have this very important conversation before it’s too late.
Why Is it Important to Have this Conversation?
This is an extremely important conversation to have with your new partner, as it clearly tells you where the relationship is at, and where it is going. It also eliminates the chances of having one person invested in the relationship more than the other one.
A lack of communication is usually a sign of fear, where you are scared of rejection. However, when you do not define the relationship, you are actually running the risk of this rejection anyway.
You should also never assume that you are in a relationship before talking about it, as it may cause you to overreact in case you find your “supposed” partner with someone else. Here’s how you can have a conversation about exclusive dating with a new partner.
Break it Down Into a Series of Small Talks
If you have been communicating online with your new partner, you may start bringing up the conversation a little at a time. You could ask them “So, should we delete our dating profiles?”. This is a good place to start, as you want to gauge their response.
In case they are not willing to delete, then you know they are still searching and on the dating app, which should tell you that they are not ready to settle with you just yet.
Understand that there Is No “Right” Way of Doing It
There is no script or rules that you should follow when it comes to this conversation, and in most cases, just go with the flow.
There is what people call “the 3-month rule,” which is the time by which most people are supposed to have had the talk, but this doesn’t mean that you cannot have the talk before or after. Do not limit yourself to social requirements.
Sometimes people have the talk even after a first date, or second or third date. It doesn’t really matter what society thinks.
Now, on what to say, again, it doesn’t matter. You could start off by asking questions such as,
- Are you open to the possibility of dating?
- Are you dating anyone else?
- Are you dating casually, or are you looking for something serious?
- Do you see yourself married with children in the next few years?
There really isn’t any rule as to which questions you should answer, but the ones above could be your starting point.
Do Not Force Things
Lastly, don’t try and force things. This talk needs to just happen naturally, and if you find that there is a lot of tension and nerves whenever you are alone, then maybe it’s not meant to be. Again, don’t go introducing your new person to other people like your girlfriend/boyfriend before you have had a chance to talk about things.
This is really off-putting, especially if they were just on the brink of making a decision about you. Keep things easy, and let them follow the desired flow of things.
The reason why this is a tough talk to have is that it makes you vulnerable to your partner, and their response concerning the relationship can put you at a disadvantage, especially if you had envisioned the two of you together. But, regardless of the outcome, it is a conversation that must be had. So, all the best.