If you'd had a relationship problem that felt like you fundamentally misunderstood your partner, your online search probably led you to "What is your language of love?" at some level, question, and quiz.
What is a "love language," and how could our relationships help by learning them? It's all about realizing what it takes for a person to feel loved. It became clear that what makes a person feel loved is not always the same for their partner or spouse.
So what are the languages of love? Check out this blog to learn more!
Overview: Love Languages and the Basics
In the late '90s, The 5 Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, was released. Chapman researched linguistics, which led him to establish the idea that people in their relationships speak distinct "love languages."
After researching relationships for years, he found that many couples in distress could profit from knowing the particular language of love of their partner. Regularly, they could become more conscious and mindful of the needs of each other.
Each language of love has its own "needs" that can cause misunderstandings or resentment in a relationship when not perceived by a partner.
What are the Love Languages?
These are the five languages of love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Of course, we have a mixture of all five, and during various seasons of life, some resonate more or less. Your dominant love language, though, is how you best give and receive love, and it's something that can enable your relationship to ignite intimacy.
When you and your partner have learned the dominant languages of love, it's remarkable how much it will help you better understand each other.
Words of Affirmation
These are compliments directed at the other person and words of appreciation and encouragement. For instance, "You look so gorgeous!", "What a magnificent daughter you are, helping your mother at your busiest time.", "You're going to make the company work. I know how strong-minded you are."
Words of Affirmation are not flattery meant to exploit the other person, Chapman stresses. He notes, "The object of love is not to get something you want but to do something for the well-being of the one you love." Words of Affirmation are real claims that you say from the heart.
Quality Time
When their partner genuinely wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out, individuals whose love language is quality time feel the most adored. They especially love the relationship when active listening, eye contact, and complete presence are prioritized.
This language of love is all about giving the one special person your undivided attention, without the interruption of television, phone screens, or any other outside intervention.
They have a deep desire to consciously spend time, have meaningful interactions, or share social experiences with their significant others.
Acts of Service
If your language of love is an act of service, when your partner ventures out of their way to make life easier, you appreciate it. It's like getting your broth in the morning when you're sick or having your coffee in the morning.
This language of love is for individuals who think that actions speak louder than words. People on this list want to be shown how they are valued, unlike those who want to hear how much they're cared for. They highly cherish small and great tasks which make their lives easier or more pleasant.
Gifts
Gifts are a fairly simple language of affection. When people send you "visual tokens of affection," you feel cherished. It's not about the monetary value, but the object's symbolic thinking.
The gift-giving method is understood and appreciated by individuals with this style: careful reflection, the intentional choice of the object to portray the relationship, and the emotional benefits of receiving the present.
People whose language of love is gifts like being gifted with something tangible and meaningful. The trick is to deliver meaningful things that matter to them and not necessarily you, and represent their values.
Touch
When they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the sofa, and sex, people with touch as their love language, feel loved.
For individuals with this love language, physical intimacy and touch may be incredibly affirming and act as a strong emotional connector. The roots go back to our childhood. Some people only felt deep affection and love from their parents when held, kissed, or touched.
Conclusion
Once we learn the primary language of love of our partners, lovers, friends, or children, for any number of reasons rooted in childhood traumas, buried resentments, or basic aversion, we through face resistance to "reading" it.
The bottom line is that not everyone expresses their love in the same way, so knowing the various languages of love can help you better understand your relationship.
